• Hi all and welcome to TheWoodHaven2 brought into the 21st Century, kicking and screaming! We all have Alasdair to thank for the vast bulk of the heavy lifting to get us here, no more so than me because he's taken away a huge burden of responsibility from my shoulders and brought us to this new shiny home, with all your previous content (hopefully) still intact! Please peruse and feed back. There is still plenty to do, like changing the colour scheme, adding the banner graphic, tweaking the odd setting here and there so I have added a new thread in the 'Technical Issues, Bugs and Feature Requests' forum for you to add any issues you find, any missing settings or just anything you'd like to see added/removed from the feature set that Xenforo offers. We will get to everything over the coming weeks so please be patient, but add anything at all to the thread I mention above and we promise to get to them over the next few days/weeks/months. In the meantime, please enjoy!

care homes

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wallace

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You may remember me whining on about my daughter starting care work, anyway she left that employer because they were only giving her the scraps of work. (zero hour) contract. She started with a local care home and has been doing a good job by all accounts. One disturbing trend she has noticed is people being transferred from hospitals coming up to a weekend for them to pass away within a couple of days. One such case was a woman who came in in a very agitated state, saying she is going to die and doesnt want to be there. She became very unwell so an ambulance was called. She then stopped breathing so my daughter had to perform cpr. It was not even known if a DNAR was in place as her paperwork had not been processed. After taking turns for 45min the woman sadly died. No ambulance came apparently care homes are lower down the list of call priority. She was quite shook up by events and was allowed to go home early.
 
This is the unfortunate side of working with people in their later years.
Hospitals are desperate to discharge patients, so a Care home placement is a good result for them. Continued care and an empty bed.

Bod1
 
I'm not sure how long she will last. I reckon she will become a whistlblower or get ill. 12hr shifts with one break looking after 30 male dementia patients with only two other staff. And this is a mid level 'care village'. The stories and expectations are grim and all for less than a tesco shelf stacker. I think it a sad reflection on how a society treats its old.
 
Care home staff should be paid better for sure.
All care homes should be very tightly monitored.
The profit some of the major players are making is truly obscene.
 
wallace said:
I'm not sure how long she will last. I reckon she will become a whistlblower or get ill. 12hr shifts with one break looking after 30 male dementia patients with only two other staff. And this is a mid level 'care village'. The stories and expectations are grim and all for less than a tesco shelf stacker. I think it a sad reflection on how a society treats its old.
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These homes are profit oriented only, provide as little as possible care to meet the minimum required standards.
 
Private equity companies make a similar killing out of children’s homes. The average cost of a place is about £6k per week but for children with the most complex needs (mental health issues, behavioural difficulties, vulnerability) the cost per week runs into tens of thousands. The sector is pretty well regulated by Ofsted (I used to inspect children’s homes and residential special schools) but there has been a massive increase in unregistered and therefore unregulated homes which many local authorities have little choice but to use for the hardest to place young people.
 
I agree completely about wages, conditions and pressure put on care staff. Without getting political as it's all parties, old, seriously ill and dementia care home residents are highly unlikely to vote and therefore well down the list of any priorities, just look at waht happened during Covid.

There are some decent care homes around though if you're lucky. When we found one for my mother in law it was excellent even though part of a group and was like a hotel. £1500 a week for what was basically a room and board as she didn't need nursing care, she was there for 5 years before she died suddenly a couple of years ago
The staff were very good indeed, kept in close contact with us and some of them had become quite attached to her even though she could be pretty difficult at times. They were genuinely visibly upset by her demise. Whatever came into her mind also exited her mouth so often rude, racist and embarassing, bless her cotton socks. :ROFLMAO:
 
Me and LOML have a pact that neither of us is going into a care home. I accept it is easy to decide that when there is no family to consider.

When her mother needed to go into a care home, LOML had a lot of difficulty arranging it with many barriers put in her way. So she found out the details of the office wherein the ‘block’ resided. With perfect timing she rang said ‘block’ and asked to meet. She was told that “I’m too busy to drive over and see you”.

“That’s OK” said my wife. “ I’m outside your office door”

Game, set and match
 
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RogerS said:
Me and LOML have a pact that neither of us is going into a care home. I accept it is easy to decide that when there is no family to consider.
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How does that work. One of you is going to die first. If the other can't cope with independent living, what then ?

I know, as an able and independent adult, the prospect of a care home looks dreadful. But my father was left living alone, convinced that is what he wanted, spent years struggling on to stay living independently at home, surrounded by the memories of a wife he had lost. Finally it became untenable and he went into a care home, and has been visibly much happier as well as safer (for himself and those around him) there.
 
Sheffield Tony said:
How does that work. One of you is going to die first. If the other can't cope with independent living, what then ?

I know, as an able and independent adult, the prospect of a care home looks dreadful. But my father was left living alone, convinced that is what he wanted, spent years struggling on to stay living independently at home, surrounded by the memories of a wife he had lost. Finally it became untenable and he went into a care home, and has been visibly much happier as well as safer (for himself and those around him) there.
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All sorted
 
Cabinetman said:
Yes that’s correct, be a hell of a party first though!
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Just to put it into context, Krenov did exactly the same thing in 2008 when he was 88. He was going blind etc, couldn't do what he wanted to do so one night he took a fistful of sleeping pills and went into a self-induced coma from which he never woke up. He died a week later - Rob
 
Woodbloke said:
Just to put it into context, Krenov did exactly the same thing in 2008 when he was 88. He was going blind etc, couldn't do what he wanted to do so one night he took a fistful of sleeping pills and went into a self-induced coma from which he never woke up. He died a week later - Rob
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Yep, that sort of thing, interesting, I didn’t know about him going.
 
marineboy said:
So are we talking self-euthanasia? That’s a pretty big decision and one which takes some courage I’d think.
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A local man helped his terminally ill friend to do it, and then to himself several years later, when life became too much. It was quite a controversial story at the time, as he was arrested for aiding the suicide of his friend but was ultimately let off.

From what I remember, I think it was a plastic bag over the head filled with helium gas.
 
RogerS said:
All sorted
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Sorry for not picking up your meaning.

Just an issue to think on for those planning this approach. If you are going blind, physical problems like that, you know what is happening. With Alzheimers, you don't for quite a while, or ever. IME the worst period coping with a relative suffering is before the acceptance that the problem is with them, not that everyone else is conspiring against them, stealing from them, etc. Because paranoia is a fairly normal part of it. So what you agree between yourselves now, in sound mind, may not be how you feel if affected by dementia.
 
We've lived in this house for 39 years, and quickly became good friends with our neighbours,, B.. a physics professor and P.. a teacher, lovely people a bit older than us.
P.. was in a wheelchair, a paraplegic when we met due to an alergic reaction to the fluid injected into her spine prior to performing a laminectomy procedure. I had the same procedure but can't remember the name.

P.. told me several times they had a pact and would travel to Switzerland when the time came. B.. did everything for her after he retired then a few years ago she showed symptoms of dementia and deteriorated rapidly. He had to go into hospital for a knee replacement so placed her in a care home for 2 weeks but she came out in an awful state and with bed sores that took months to heal. Then his other knee so she went into a different home and came out even worse, now subject to an investigation by the coroner because she died just months later.

In the last couple of years it was clearly too late for her to make a decision to travel, she was too ill anyway so the pact was broken, She couldn't recognise even her own daughter and this lovely kind lady turned nasty. B... was the only person she responded to and every day she begged him to end her life. I sat with him many times with him in tears and he seriously contemplated it and damn the consequences.

I found the whole thing to be traumatic and concerning and as others have said your plans change or events overtake you then it's out of your hands. It makes the current legal position a joke but understandable how there is such huge argument both ways.

The one thing that's come out of it is that he now has a life of his own and a lovely daughter who comes to stay every weekend and soon will be back living here, we know her well and she'll look after him.

My wife's aunt and uncle were resident in Switzerland for 50 years. He had a terminal illness and one day we got a 'phone call asking us to think of him on a specific day and time of his choosing when he had a dignified and pain free death. His wife shortly after moved to Sussex to be near her children and when she became ill she duly went into care and suffered badly for 3 years before dying in distressing circumstances.
 
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Sheffield Tony said:
Sorry for not picking up your meaning.

Just an issue to think on for those planning this approach. If you are going blind, physical problems like that, you know what is happening. With Alzheimers, you don't for quite a while, or ever. IME the worst period coping with a relative suffering is before the acceptance that the problem is with them, not that everyone else is conspiring against them, stealing from them, etc. Because paranoia is a fairly normal part of it. So what you agree between yourselves now, in sound mind, may not be how you feel if affected by dementia.
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A very valid point and no easy answer
 
My daughter says there is a poor woman who has become blind, deaf and unable to walk and just sits there. When she is fed she begs to die. It is surprising how many people do not want to be there and say they want to go home. They have full cognition and say they have there own home. I suspect family have put them there.
 
wallace said:
My daughter says there is a poor woman who has become blind, deaf and unable to walk and just sits there. When she is fed she begs to die. It is surprising how many people do not want to be there and say they want to go home. They have full cognition and say they have there own home. I suspect family have put them there.
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Without the caring, overworked, underpaid and undervalued people like your daughter their lives would be even worse.

My wife has one brother and when her mother at 90 was really struggling on her own with numerous falls etc. she accidently stabbed herself on the hand with a Biro. My wife spotted it on a visit a week later and she had blood poisoning with streaks right up her arm and very confused, straight into hospital where she stayed for 10 days. We live around 20 miles away and her son 90 so very difficult to ensure her medication was administered 6 times a day and rather than come to us (she knew I'd have hated that) she asked to go into a local care home for 2 weeks at the end of which she said she wanted to stay there permantly.
We had many meetings and conversations between the four of us as were very aware that she might change her mind and extremely careful not to push in any way though for us it was a blessing as we believed that she'd be far safer than on her own however the house would need to be sold and funds invested to fund it longer term. We waited 6 months to be sure before doing that and for all of us, especially her it was the right decision.

You have to be lucky as well as carrying out due dilligence as when we looked around and what we've heard from others they are some really horrible places.
 
Fully agree with the sentiment here. My father had a long and debilitating illness (Parkinsons) and accumulated enough medication to end it all, which was his avowed intention. Without him realising it he gradually lost mental capacity to carry out his intention. It was horrendous. I have another relative who is immobile bed bound, semi blind, has to be fed liquids only and can't speak very intelligibly and says frequently that he wants to die. We should be allowed to grant people this humane wish (medically) without dire legal consequences. I think we own our lives.
 
AJB Temple said:
Fully agree with the sentiment here. My father had a long and debilitating illness (Parkinsons) and accumulated enough medication to end it all, which was his avowed intention. Without him realising it he gradually lost mental capacity to carry out his intention. It was horrendous. I have another relative who is immobile bed bound, semi blind, has to be fed liquids only and can't speak very intelligibly and says frequently that he wants to die. We should be allowed to grant people this humane wish (medically) without dire legal consequences. I think we own our lives.
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Absolutely agree.
 
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