• Hi all and welcome to TheWoodHaven2 brought into the 21st Century, kicking and screaming! We all have Alasdair to thank for the vast bulk of the heavy lifting to get us here, no more so than me because he's taken away a huge burden of responsibility from my shoulders and brought us to this new shiny home, with all your previous content (hopefully) still intact! Please peruse and feed back. There is still plenty to do, like changing the colour scheme, adding the banner graphic, tweaking the odd setting here and there so I have added a new thread in the 'Technical Issues, Bugs and Feature Requests' forum for you to add any issues you find, any missing settings or just anything you'd like to see added/removed from the feature set that Xenforo offers. We will get to everything over the coming weeks so please be patient, but add anything at all to the thread I mention above and we promise to get to them over the next few days/weeks/months. In the meantime, please enjoy!

A tad of mirth

As I live in Salisbury, a mate of mine just advised me that the train crash last night in the Fisherton tunnel was caused by a Russian sleeper - Rob
 
how do you know when a BAD joke becomes a DAD joke?

when it becomes apparent.
 
Life would be much better lived backwards....

You'd start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then, wake up in an old peoples' home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

At retirement - 18 years of age - you drive the sports car you can actually enjoy.

You eat what you want, you party... and you get ready to start school.

You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day...

And then, you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.
 
On the theme of looking at things from another prospective I saw this the other day which made me smile

8E50C898-32F9-4AFB-B9CB-26B4325CFA24.jpeg
 
f0724be11ade305e28891bd70b118355.jpg
 
A Scottish Do

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding .

"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ar've got e verythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church,

the caurs, the reception, the rings, the minister, even ma stag night".

Archie nods approvingly.

"I've even bought a kilt to be married in!" continues Jimmy.

"A kilt?" exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that.

What's the tartin?...."

"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white.”
 
A horse and a donkey are having a few beers in the bar, each claiming bragging rights. The horse said "I've done it all. Won the Grand National, The Derby, The Oaks and the Cheltenham Gold Cup. Nothing you've done can beat that!".

The donkey leant forward and showed the horse a photo of a zebra on his smartphone. The horse looked puzzled, pulled a long face [emoji849] and said "What's that all about?"

The donkey said proudly "That was me when I played for Juventus".

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With all this inflation, I thought that I might make the money go further and eat roadkill.
Not too sure what to do with the bike though.
 
9fingers":1x1iqkgt said:
Lurker":1x1iqkgt said:
With all this inflation, I thought that I might make the money go further and eat roadkill.
Not too sure what to do with the bike though.
Click to expand...

Careful! we have quite a few ardent cyclists in here! :D

Bob
Click to expand...

I know :twisted:
 
Lurker":1jao20wo said:
With all this inflation, I thought that I might make the money go further and eat roadkill.
Not too sure what to do with the bike though.
Click to expand...

tooth picks.
 
The Pope was visiting Liverpool, so little Jonny ran forwards and said "Holy Father, can you help me with my hearing?". So, the Pope bent down, placed his hands over Jonny's ears and blessed him. "There" he said. "Has that helped you with your hearing?". "I don't know" said Jonny. "It's not til next Wednesday"!

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